My (early) contribution to the ‘Walk in our shoes’ flash blog
“Every time media reports about the abuse and/or murder of an autistic child, we are told not to judge. We are told to walk in the perpetrator’s shoes. Most of the time, the perpetrator is the autistic child’s parent.
But we have shoes too, and no one ever asks anyone to walk in the victim’s shoes. This flash blog invites people to walk in our shoes for a change.”
I’m tired. In so many ways and for so many reasons, I am tired. Today, I feel tired because I had to repeat myself again.
I carefully crafted my words (to the best of my ability), I researched statistics (to back them up), I tried to refine a logical explanation (as concisely as possible for your convenience) and I even told you how you made me feel (I’ve heard that helps?!).
I’m tired because I feel as though I’m wasting my time, my creativity and my hope for acceptance on you. Hopelessness is exhausting.
Why can’t you understand?
Maybe ignorance and denial is more comfortable. Majority opinion means majority support.
Maybe you disregard us as haters or PC police, without a second thought (I am not a troll and I am concerned about the well-being of others).
Maybe you think I am minimising your experience as a parent of an autistic child (there were times I really wasn’t coping as a parent and I sort help for ME. I did not abuse my autistic children when I wasn’t coping).
Maybe you want someone to blame for the wrongs of the world; a convenient ‘other’.
Maybe you have been responsible for more than your ‘fair share’ of oppression (there is no ‘fair’ share) and shame prevents you from further growth and connection.
Maybe you can’t handle the idea of being wrong. We all make mistakes, we are human.
Maybe you are missing a deep enough understanding of ableism, intersectionality and oppression. Please read about these concepts and keep reading.
Maybe empathy is not your greatest strength (not your fault) and you refuse to believe in anyone else’s experience besides your own (meet more diverse people, go where you haven’t gone before and do what you haven’t done before or read books and blogs. Learn to trust.)
You can never truly walk in my shoes.
Perhaps it’s more helpful if you work on the basics of your humanity: trust, vulnerability, acceptance and connection. But don’t apply your humanity without care because it’s the oppressed that need your support the most and abuse is never justified.